the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
