You work out of a Hotel?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
