I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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