He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
