I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
