just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
