So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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