Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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