I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
