I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
