I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How external is "for external use only"?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
