They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
