I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
