Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
