I got chris browned last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
