she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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