Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
