I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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