There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
