I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
