everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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