suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
