i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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