call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my shit smells like andre
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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