what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
