Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
