Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
