You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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