I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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