Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
