The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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