But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
