i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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