Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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