The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have so much sex to catch up on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize