She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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