if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no you cant smoke seaweed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
