She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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