i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
