I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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