if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
