cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
