I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize