wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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