I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
