She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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