i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
