You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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