what day is it and did you see me today?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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