My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
