I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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