I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
