I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
