Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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