just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
