We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
