it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its about making memories worth repressing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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