If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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