I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
