I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
