just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
