Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
