wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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