No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
