if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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