Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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