Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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